Crisi di nervi

E’ questo che secondo il Daily Mail. suscita in Emma l’idea di diventare maggiorenne. O meglio, l’idea di dover scegliere l’abito adatto con cui diventare legal.

Con un chilometrico articolo dal titolo “Is that really You, Hermione?” (“Sei davvero tu, Hermione?”), si mette in guardia l’opinione pubblica contro questa ragazza problematica. L’autore si trattiene a stento dal raccomandare un coprifuoco, per evitare di incontrarla per sbaglio in qualche negozio di abbigliamento. Ecco i passaggi più inquietanti, con le piccole traduzioni.

With much tut-tutting and anguished sighs of desperation, Emma Watson has been perusing her wardrobe in preparation for her long-awaited 18th birthday party this week.

While other girls her age might be happy with a new outfit from Topshop or Zara, the sophisticated Miss Watson has turned up her delicate, retrousse nose at the rows of couture Chanel and Chloe already hanging on her designer rails and declared them totally unsuitable for the occasion.

There have been protracted and occasionally fraught discussions with her personal stylist and at least one moment when she became so exasperated by her inability to find the perfect ensemble she considered opting for jeans and her favourite multi-coloured Converse baseball boots.

Qua dice che Emma è arrivata persino a litigare col suo stilista personale, questo perchè non è riuscita a trovare niente di suo gradimento: ovverosia il vestito perfetto per il giorno perfetto. Questo fino ad una sua recente visita in una costosissima boutique londinese.

Ma neanche i suoi più cari amici sanno cosa indosserà. Nessuno lo sa tranne lei. Al-Quaida, il KGB e la CIA stesse possono solo fare congetture in proposito.

[CUT] And by way of an early birthday present to herself, she has already picked out an as yet unrevealed new and suitably girly run-around after passing her driving test in January.

In the clipped Home Counties tones for which she has become famed, Emma has said her celebrations for her coming of age will be “storming”. [CUT]

Of course, this being Emma, Saturday’s party (she officially celebrates her 18th tomorrow) is hardly likely be to the sort of vomit-drenched affair thrown by less level-headed teenage hostesses – particularly as not only will her parents both be present, but her boss, David Heyman, the all-powerful producer of the Potter films, is also invited.

A quanto risulta Emma si sarebbe già concessa un regalo anticipato, scarrozzando le sue amiche in giro per la città con la sua patente fresca fresca. La Watson, che non riesce a stare coi suoi amici da tempo per via delle riprese, promette che sarà un party “da sballo“. Ma non troppo. Presenti alla festa ci saranno i cari genitori e persino il Capo di Emma, David Heyman. Che fortuna eh?

However, one name unlikely to find its way on to the guest list is that of Johnny Borrell, [CUT] .

When Emma was photographed partying with the self-confessed ex-heroin addict and former friend of Pete Doherty two months ago, her lawyer parents are said to have “gone up the wall”, not least because he is ten years her senior.

Their concerns about the shaggy-haired Borrell – who bears more than a passing resemblance to a strung-out Cocker Spaniel – were also shared by Emma’s film bosses at Warner Bros, who insisted on inserting a strict “good behaviour” clause in her latest multi-million-pound three-film contract. [CUT] …

The front man, who claims he was “a smackhead at 16” met blonde Emma at a launch party for Vanity Fair and Burberry at the National Gallery before the couple set tongues wagging by sharing a cab to the later bash hosted by fashion chain PPQ.

Insiders at Warner Bros in the U.S. say pictures of the couple posing for the paparazzi were greeted with “near apoplexy” by the owners of the billion-dollar film franchise.

Emma was prompted to make a hasty denial that she was dating the singer on her official website. [/CUT]

La paparazzata di Emma e Johnny Borrell (un cantante [ex-]tossicomane, vecchia fiamma di Kirsten Dunst), ha suscitato un vero terremoto per Emma. Non solo i suoi genitori le avrebbero detto chiaro e tondo “hai passato il limite“, ma la stessa Warner si sarebbe prodigata affinchè Emma pubblicasse una smentita sul suo sito/blog ufficiale facendo appello alla clausola “Comportati bene, Signorinella” presente nel suo plurimilionario contratto (Smentita poi arrivata puntualmente: “Ci siamo trovati sullo stesso taxi, tutto qui. Certo che dovrò stare attenta a chi mi sta accando d’ora in poi: dovrei prendere lo stesso taxi con Orlando Bloom, così diranno che usciamo insieme!“).

Ma occhio, ora arriva il pezzo forte.

Nor is he the only male who has beaten a path to the teenage beauty of late.

Last month a ra-ra-skirted Emma was seen indulging in some prolonged snogging with a square-jawed admirer called Jay at an aftershow party following the Empire Awards in London.

They are said to have spent the night locked together in full view of other revellers in the upstairs VIP area of the trendy Carbon club near Marble Arch, coming up for air only to chat with other guests, including supermodel Agyness Deyn and new Bond girl Gemma Arterton.

After midnight Emma, who had previously announced she needed to get home early so she could attend classes the next day at her £3,500-a-term all-girls school in Oxford, left separately from her beau.

But Jay, who earlier had his hands all over her, hid in the doorway of a nearby casino until photographers were gone, and is said to have joined her later at a West End hotel.

Nel privato di un party privè dopo gli Empire Award, Emma e il suo ramato fan Jay si sarebbero avvinghiati fino allo scoccare della mezzanotte quando Emma, memore delle parole della fata turchina, si sarebbe ricordata del compito in classe del giorno dopo. Ma la costosissima didattica a cui Emma si sottopone non ha scoraggiato jay, che le ha dato appuntamento qualche ora dopo in un hotel. Al che il giornalista fa suppore lo svolgimento di un’appassionante e conturbante partita di rubamazzetto.

Non so davvero che dire, a parte che Hermione potrà non essere davvero lei ma questo articolista è molto, molto, ma molto Rita Skeeter.